5 years after we said I do...

This isn't a story of how my life fell apart one day after some "tragic" event and then in the midst of my pain, all my dreams came true.It is actually just a story about me and the life I live in. In five years of marraige to a wonderful man and after having the most beautiful amazing miracle of a daughter I could have ever prayed for, I am seeing a much different life. We now find ourselves in seperate corners, living seperate day to day lives and still loving eachother. We have lived this way so long now, that I don't even know when or how it started. And had my painfully honest spouse not come forward with the last words I ever wanted to hear; the words that shook me to the core of my existance and pushed my heart to its breaking point..."I don't know if I want to be married anymore." The idea had crossed my mind, I wasn't blind to the distance between us, but never would I have persued my thoughts. So, shortly after the initial blow, we decided TOGETHER to seek some professional help (yep, one more thing to add to an already crazy schedule) And so, this is where our journey re-starts...what happens once one of you doesn't know what they want and the other is so hurt and betrayed they are not sure they can ever trust the other with their heart again. So, I'd like to see how this story ends,but I don't know (and if you know me, you know how hard this is for me) But I do need to release some emotions and thoughts. So, rather than forcing them on all of my wonderful friends, I figured I'd blog...and you can read as you please. Here's hoping this can help me work through the hardest time I've faced in many years. Prayers, thoughts and encouragement are welcome. And I hope that maybe one day someone will read this and realize they, too, were not alone. I cannot and will not offer advice or secrets to healing any marriage/relationships (I am in therapy because I have no idea what I'm doing). I am simply writing about and sharing with you this very personal and scary and emotional journey I seem to have found myself on...

An introduction into my secrets

In the past few weeks I have had a harsh realization....people never tell the whole truth when it comes to matters of the heart. When we become parents, we somehow fail to tell other parents the harsh truths about parenthood. I am not sure if we do this to protect them, or because no one told us and we had to figure it out on our own, so they should have to do the same. Either way, we keep these little indiscretions to ourselves and continue to believe that others view us as perfect families. But it is these little secrets we keep that also isolate us. We convince ourselves that we are the only ones who have issues with our children, spouse, parents, siblings, work, neighbors and thus we should just keep them to ourselves because they are no one else's business. But this blog for me is to put my issues out there in hopes of finding a place where I am not so alone. My intention isn't to gossip, whine or start drama. I really just need a place to express life as I know it...and right now, it isn't so pretty. So, these are the secrets we never share....